I’m not sure how difficult it was for you to write this but wow. You just made something so taboo for others, so accessible and understandable. And the fact that it was 2 weeks ago and not ten years ago...?! Your ability to be vulnerable immediately to connect with others is incredible. I love hearing your journey into self-compassion here...what a GD powerful tool that is. More of this honesty, please. You’re inspiring.
Heather, Thank you so much for that feedback. So enouraging. The essay wasn't too hard to write, but debating where the line of TMI lies was for a day or two. I enjoyed the immediacy of my persepctive. Most of my war stories have been told and shaped to some degree over many years. This one wasn't.
Rehab is a long, slow, difficult journey. So you fell off the wagon. Don't beat yourself up about it. The important thing is you get back on it and keep going. I think a lot of gay men of our generation define themselves by their body and their sexuality. After all, we were treated as 'other' and 'lesser than' for so long and by so many. Where was salvation? Our tribe in the bars and clubs - which for the most part were a great big pick-up scene. I think if you realised how many people, myself included, were more than a little worried when we didn't see your weekly essay on here you'd be a little more aware of your value. Keep strong and keep going.
Thank you Mark for such a sweet and thoughful reply. Yes, you are right about the ramifications of our generation, PLUS the "live fast, die young" influence of early AIDS and then of course my problematic relationship with my mother. I'm carrying on, stronger than ever! Hugs!
I had my own issues with both my parents. Pretty much abandoned by my dad and a mother who was cold and found it hard to love her children to say the least. Nothing like as bad as your mum was I know. But I did find it incredibly empowering to forgive them. For you maybe it could be easier said than done; I found it easy myself and it felt so good. Years of hurt just washed away. I realised being angry was only hurting myself and it was allowing, my dad particularly, to own an emotion in me, a part of me. My anger or resentment wouldn't change either of them, it would only eat me up. Like I say, forgiving them empowered me. It was something I, and only I, had the power to do. It helped me to just live the life I'd been dealt.
I remember your mum. I seem to recall you saying that she tried to make up for things once you all became adults. She never seemed the way you described to me at least. I actually forgave my mum and have had as good a realtionship with her as possible, given that we live on other sides of the planet. I forgave her when I was thirty and had a better understanding what it must have been like to be widowed at that age with three children under ten. That part was easy. So too was my accepting that she was a difficult and thoughtless person since before she left home. Alas, the forgetting part (in my bones and behavior more than my head) is stubborn. Indelible. Without judgement. Obvious in all that I do.
Wow thank you so much for sharing, powerful to hear such a recent excerpt of your story... Sending love and strength from across the water and just thankful I know you because you write so well and always inspire me 🥰
I’m not sure how difficult it was for you to write this but wow. You just made something so taboo for others, so accessible and understandable. And the fact that it was 2 weeks ago and not ten years ago...?! Your ability to be vulnerable immediately to connect with others is incredible. I love hearing your journey into self-compassion here...what a GD powerful tool that is. More of this honesty, please. You’re inspiring.
Heather, Thank you so much for that feedback. So enouraging. The essay wasn't too hard to write, but debating where the line of TMI lies was for a day or two. I enjoyed the immediacy of my persepctive. Most of my war stories have been told and shaped to some degree over many years. This one wasn't.
I'm so proud of you for writing this 💕
Thank you Elizabeth! I appreciate that! Very much!
Rehab is a long, slow, difficult journey. So you fell off the wagon. Don't beat yourself up about it. The important thing is you get back on it and keep going. I think a lot of gay men of our generation define themselves by their body and their sexuality. After all, we were treated as 'other' and 'lesser than' for so long and by so many. Where was salvation? Our tribe in the bars and clubs - which for the most part were a great big pick-up scene. I think if you realised how many people, myself included, were more than a little worried when we didn't see your weekly essay on here you'd be a little more aware of your value. Keep strong and keep going.
Thank you Mark for such a sweet and thoughful reply. Yes, you are right about the ramifications of our generation, PLUS the "live fast, die young" influence of early AIDS and then of course my problematic relationship with my mother. I'm carrying on, stronger than ever! Hugs!
I had my own issues with both my parents. Pretty much abandoned by my dad and a mother who was cold and found it hard to love her children to say the least. Nothing like as bad as your mum was I know. But I did find it incredibly empowering to forgive them. For you maybe it could be easier said than done; I found it easy myself and it felt so good. Years of hurt just washed away. I realised being angry was only hurting myself and it was allowing, my dad particularly, to own an emotion in me, a part of me. My anger or resentment wouldn't change either of them, it would only eat me up. Like I say, forgiving them empowered me. It was something I, and only I, had the power to do. It helped me to just live the life I'd been dealt.
I remember your mum. I seem to recall you saying that she tried to make up for things once you all became adults. She never seemed the way you described to me at least. I actually forgave my mum and have had as good a realtionship with her as possible, given that we live on other sides of the planet. I forgave her when I was thirty and had a better understanding what it must have been like to be widowed at that age with three children under ten. That part was easy. So too was my accepting that she was a difficult and thoughtless person since before she left home. Alas, the forgetting part (in my bones and behavior more than my head) is stubborn. Indelible. Without judgement. Obvious in all that I do.
Stunning. Keep on, Andrew, keep on.
Thanks, Kevin!
Wow thank you so much for sharing, powerful to hear such a recent excerpt of your story... Sending love and strength from across the water and just thankful I know you because you write so well and always inspire me 🥰
Hi Sarah! Thank you so much - for all your support. Since WoP began. It means a lot.
Thanks for sharing this Andrew. Holding space for you in your recovery.
Thank you, Jeff!